If Only
by UnitedPen
Summary: Logan always sings the song Kendall used to sing to him every night. But will he ever see Kendall again or will the song be his only memory of the one he loves? Will he just be left to say "If Only?" Kogan and Jarlos. AU Chap 2 Revised.
1. If Only

_Disclaimer: So this is a submission for Love and Peace Forever's Disney Kogan challenge. It's based on the song If Only sung by Fiction Plane on the Holes Soundtrack. Louis Sachar wrote the lyrics for the chorus, which you will see in this chapter. _

Logan clenched his eyes shut, swallowing against the pain that was engulfing his entire body as the man above thrust his huge length into Logan's entrance. Tears spilled down his pale cheeks, his back arching, while the burly guy latched his giant fists on to Logan's skeleton like arms, setting a harsh pace.

Out of habit, the tears disappeared as soon as they came. Logan knew he would never get paid if a customer caught a glimpse of Logan's distraught face. The men usually did not look at his face, focusing more on satisfying their sexual needs, but Logan knew he could not take the chance. He had been beaten by his boss more than once for not acting like the toy he was.

A toy, a prostitute, a hooker, that was what Logan was. He had been one for almost two years now. It was a horrible life, filled with fear and pain. He used to be able to counteract the hopelessness by telling himself he would be saved one day, but as his life continued to be countless nights of getting into strangers cars, driving to dingy motels, hearing the mattress springs squeak under him as his customer pounded him into the bed, and finally accepting the crumpled bills that immediately went to his master, Damien, in the morning, the hope had faded into a numbness that was threatening to send Logan over the edge.

As the man above him picked up speed, increasing the pain, Logan thought of the razor in his jeans pocket that had been discarded on the hotel chair. Would tonight be the night he would have the courage to end his misery with one simple slice to his jugular? Logan knew suicide should never be the answer but he was getting so desperate he couldn't think of anything else.

He had tried escaping a few times; taking off as soon as his boss dropped him off at his corner. A quick taxi with his hidden money and Logan would almost be able to hop on a bus out of Los Angeles before one of Damien's henchman would grab the poor boy, toss him in his car and drive him back to his bald, tattooed leader where he would be in for a night of harsh slaps, punches, kicks, and as usual, rape.

There was so much pain but that didn't stop Logan from also trying the airport and hitchhiking. But after so many failures, Damien decided to have Logan watched every night, at least until Logan dove further into a state of depression where he just went with everything. Damien was pleased, thinking Logan had finally accepted his life, but Logan stayed defiant in his head.

Every night, as he stood on his corner, Logan would hum a song to himself, a song that was the only thing he thought was good left in his heart. The lyrics would start off quiet but then would become stronger as the sky became an inky black.

"**If only, if only," the woodpecker sighs,**

"**The bark on the trees was as soft as the skies,"**

**As the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely**

**He cries to the moon, "If only, if only."**

"_If Only…" Kendall finished singing, one arm wrapped around Logan as the strolled down the concrete pathway situated in the middle of a park in the middle of Duluth. Logan grinned up at his beautiful blond boyfriend before Kendall leaned down to give Logan a passionate, sweet, loving kiss. _

_They were walking leisurely down what had been their favourite route as kids. Every anniversary they would do this ritual after dinner. It was a little cheesy but it was a chance for the two to escape everyday life and be in their own world where they could show how their love ran deeper than the Marianas Trench. _

"_I love it when you sing that song Kendall," Logan commented, bringing Kendall's arm down to intertwine their hands. "You have such a beautiful voice," he finished with a squeeze. "I wish you could sing it to me forever."_

"_Thank you Logie," Kendall replied, grinned. "I also wish I could sing it to you for eternity because than I could constantly show you how much I love you just like my father did for me."_

_Kendall's dad had passed away from a major stroke when the two best friends were only six years old. He had suffered from poor health since Kendall's birth and had just seen Kendall's sister Katie be born before he died. _

_Logan could still remember the day they loaded Kendall's father on to an ambulance from Kendall's brown stucco house across the street from Logan's. He had been reading a science book about the dinosaurs in the front room when out of the picture window he saw flashing lights as an ambulance drove up to the house._

_His heart had pounded in his little chest at the thought of something happening to the Knights, of something happening to Kendall and he had torn out of his house and ran across the street, pumping his short legs as fast as they could go._

_He ran through the open front door, passing a tearful Mrs. Knight holding a baby Katie in her arms while talking to officers. He sprinted up the stairs past ambulance workers legs while they took a covered stretcher down the stairs. _

_Logan made it to the red room, adorned with the Minnesota Wild logos to find Kendall curled up in his closet, knees pulled to his chest while tears streamed down his face. His eyes lifted to see Logan's worried ones._

"_Logie, my daddy's dead," Kendall wailed. _

_Logan didn't know what to say so he pulled Kendall into a bear hug, letting the blonde boy sob onto his shoulder. They stayed in that position for many hours until Mrs. Knight appeared in the room to put the two boys to bed, already having called Mrs. Mitchell, knowing there would be nothing that would separate the two boys that night. As Logan got out the familiar sleeping bag from the hall closet, Mrs. Knight hugged her still crying son for a long time before deciding it would be good for him to get some rest. _

_Mrs. Knight had just turned the lights off and Logan was just unzipping his sleeping bag when he heard the blonde boy softly call out his name._

"_Logan…"_

_The brunette immediately jumped onto Kendall's racecar bed to sit beside his friend._

"_Yes Kendall?"_

"_I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight."_

_Logan nodded sagely._

"_That makes sense. I bet all you can think about is your daddy and that makes you sad. I'm even sad because I liked your daddy. He was so nice. But I'll stay awake with you, Kendall, I promise." Logan spoke with a reassurance beyond his six years._

_A ghost of a smile appeared on Kendall's face before he frowned again. _

"_That's true but I also don't think I'll be able to sleep without my daddy singing me our song." _

_Confused, Logan stared at his best friend. _

"_What song?"_

_Kendall sighed sadly. _

"_My dad always sang me a lullaby when he tucked me into bed the nights he wasn't in the hospital. He said his mom used to sing it to him every night back in Germany. It was her way to remind daddy that she loved him so much. I didn't want you to laugh at me so when you slept over I would tell daddy to just sing it to me in his and mommy's room. And I never told you. B-But now I'll never hear it again," _

_Tears started to pour from Kendall's emerald eyes again and Logan squirmed, trying to think of way to comfort Kendall. An idea came immediately to his bright mind._

"_I can sing it for you. But you have to teach me the words." _

_Wiping his nose with the back of his hand, Kendall sat up a little more against his pillows and hugged Logan again._

"_Thank you Logan. That's a great idea. You are the best best friend ever. I love you."_

"_I love you too," Logan replied, both of them not grasping the deep meaning of those words but knowing that adults used them to show they cared about one another. "Now sing for me."_

_Kendall sang the song, making a bright smile appear on Logan's face. He loved the line "The bark on the tree was as sharp as the skies," because it described how Logan wished Kendall's daddy hadn't been sick and died and then life wouldn't be so hard. He immediately committed the song to memory and sang it right back to Kendall. _

_The two continued to sing all night until they passed out in the wee hours of the morning. And as the two grew up it became a tradition, a way to calm the other down or get them to sleep or just be a comforting presence each night on the phone._

_And as the two went through their bumbling teenage awkward phase where they tried to sort out their feelings for each other and when they finally realized the "I love you" they shared when they were six years old went deeper than friendship, it was a way from them to express their true feelings._

_The two were now eighteen, fresh out of high school, ready to go to the same college and follow their dreams. Logan wanted to be a doctor and Kendall had a hockey scholarship and was going to study music production. They continued to call each other each night to sing the song and profess their love but Kendall was now ready to take the next step in their relationship. _

_Hearing his boyfriend continue to hum the song, Logan grasped his hand harder as they continued to stroll when suddenly he was met with resistance. Turning around, he gasped as he found Kendall kneeling down on one knee with a box in one hand, his other still attached to Logan's._

"_Kendall…?" Logan asked nervously._

_Kendall grinned and untangled his hand from Logan's to open the box in his other hand to reveal a sparkling ring._

"_Logan I…" Kendall started before he was cut off with a sudden click beside his head. Confused, he turned to his side, eyes going wide as he caught the sight of a bald, muscled man with calculating blue eyes holding a revolver to his head._

"_Hello blondie," the man grinned evilly. "Looks like you already in the position I want. Now don't move while we take that delicious looking boyfriend of yours."_

_Kendall's head whipped back around, his eyes finding a heartbreaking sight. Logan's chocolate brown eyes were blown wide in fear and clouded with tears as another man clenched his hand tighter over Logan's mouth. Logan struggled hard against the man's grasp and yelled behind the fist, trying to get to Kendall but only succeeded in letting tears fall down past the man's hand. _

"_LOGAN!" Kendall screamed, making a move toward the love of his life before the smooth-headed man pushed him flat on the ground, the ring clattering a few feet away. _

"_What did I say blondie? Don't move! I'd say as punishment I'll make it extra painful for your friend over there but I was planning that already."_

"_NO!" Kendall yelled in absolute agony. Logan had never heard Kendall that upset but before he had time to dwell on it, he felt a sharp prick on his neck, his last vision being Kendall's tear streaked face as he tried to get up and fight the man again. Then Logan crumpled to the ground._

Logan had woken up to the bald man nipping harshly at his neck and thrusting into him. Disorientation left as panic set in at the realization of what was happening and he went to push the man off of him when he found his hand tied to the bedposts behind his head. He started to sob as the man continued.

"Please why are you doing this?" Logan had asked.

The man looked up into Logan's face and grinned his wicked little grin.

"Because this is your new life," he replied, slapping Logan harshly in the face. "Now no speaking until I say so whore!"

Knowing he had no choice, Logan had to lie there while the man finished raping his newest item. He was then subjected to the most horrific beating of his life that had let bruises that wouldn't fade for weeks and broken bones that left to heal on their own, still ached Logan to this day.

The man had said it was his initiation. He had explained his name was Damien. Damien's night job was running a prostitution ring that Logan was now a part of. Apparently Damien's people had been watching Logan for months, deciding he would be the perfect "cute" addition to Damien's little circle.

When he had asked where Kendall was, not only had he got a punch to the stomach and the only answer being "He was taken care of" Logan assumed this meant he was dead or also being kept tied up in an unknown room while Damien raped him each night. A small unrealistic part of him hoped against hope that Kendall had managed to get away and maybe possibly find him one day, but he knew that probably wasn't the case.

From then on, Damien didn't bother himself with Logan very much unless he wanted a "good tight fuck" as he always whispered in Logan's ear after he finished. He was instead left in the hands of Damien's men.

His limbs were stretched beyond what he thought possible as the men taught all the sex positions to the small boy who grew smaller by the day by the one meal policy Damien used to keep his "workers"' thin. After his training, he was bound head to toe and thrown in a trunk for a long car trip, only seeing the sunlight so his driver could give him water.

The trip ended in front of a run down house in what Logan would later learn was in the heart of Los Angeles, California. He was made to walk in where within two hours Damien had introduced him to his first customer, an ugly man dressed in a business suit. The man had spent three hours on Logan, earning Damien a lot of money.

Damien had later decided Logan would be a streetwalker instead of in the house like originally planned in order to get more clients in one night. So Logan was forced to stand on a street corner, dressed in nothing but a torn pair of jeans. Any money he earned went back to Damien or else he was in for yet another pounding.

Logan had not adjusted very well, but who could blame him? None of the residents of the whorehouse were there by choice and most of them, like Logan, spent the time alone staring off into blank space, lost in memories.

So Logan sang "If Only" to himself, mainly in his head. It was his way of escaping his current reality, a way to travel back to a time when he was happy and in love. It also allowed him to pretend Kendall was singing it to him and that Kendall was still alive. Logan hoped against hope that he was and that he had escaped and was living a good life, not filled with misery like Logan's.

But lately the song was just another knife driving into Logan's heart, just serving as a reminder of how he will never live in that kind of bliss again. It gave him a feeling of longing he couldn't shake, a longing for the boyfriend he would never, ever see again.

So tonight, in the musty motel room as the man continued to move above him, Logan's spaced out, so numb to everything that was happening. The song became like an alarm, showing him that he was making the right decision to end his life tonight.

The lyrics conveyed a sense of desperation and were perfect for Logan. If only he wasn't a prostitute. If only he was still with Kendall. Logan knew he could say if only in his head over and over but nothing would change. He would still be serving Damien, someone forcing himself on Logan night after night. Logan didn't want to take the emotional and physical abuse anymore. He wanted an escape.

The man, who had not given Logan his name (no one normally spoke during the "transactions") grunted as he exploded into Logan. Ignoring Logan's whimper as he pulled out, the man went to the washroom to clean up. Logan moved gingerly off the bed to where his jeans were strewn on the floor. Feeling around for the razor blade Damien provided him to make his face "baby smooth", Logan slid his hand into the pocket, brushing past a small piece of paper.

That small piece of paper was a faded wallet sized portrait of Kendall that Logan was lucky enough to have in his pocket the day he was kidnapped. Although he had woken up naked on his first night of being a captive, his clothes had been in the corner. Logan was surprised Damien hadn't thrown them away until he learned the jeans were his hooker clothes, Damien not wanting to spend any extra money on a slut until the slut made money for him.

He held the picture between his thumb and index fingers, momentarily forgetting about the razor as he got lost in the green eyes smiling up at him. The snapshot was Kendall's graduation picture and Logan had never seen him look so proud or so sexy than in his maroon robes.

Water spilled onto the soft paper as Logan tearfully thought about what Kendall would say if he saw Logan now. He would be so disappointed in Logan for being so weak but Logan also felt he would understand Logan's loneliness that stemmed from not being with Kendall.

"I'm so sorry Kendall. I miss you so much. I can't live without you anymore" Logan whispered as he grasped the photo in his hand and reached for the razor in another. His fingertips had just reached the top of the silver blade when a knock on the door caused him to jump and his hand to graze against the tip.

"Shit!" Logan swore pulling his fingers out as blood flowed down his hand.

"Police, open up!"

Logan's mind went absolutely blank, forgetting the blood as he stared at the crumbling hotel door across the room. Was he saved? Before he could make a move toward his rescuers, the man ran out of the bathroom, half dressed in a pair of black slacks.

"Don't move, don't speak," he said in a terrifying voice.

Logan should have been scared, he really should have but he had spent the last two years being afraid. Now was the time to do what he knew his courageous Kendall would do.

"Help!" Logan screamed as he shot up and bolted to the door.

But Logan just didn't realize how weak he was and how fast the man was. In an instant, the man had him in firm grasp, Logan's arms pinned down beside his own naked body by the man's burly arm, his mouth covered with the man's meaty hand.

"I thought I told you not to move," the man said, looking nervously around to where his cocaine was stashed in his bag. He knew being caught with that and a prostitute would surely ruin his successful financial career and land him in jail.

Struggling with all his might, Logan fought as heard the voice on the other side of the door yell "We're breaking down the door now!"

Logan would be rescued. He was ecstatic beyond belief but before his saviors could get to him, Logan felt a sudden pain in his side. He glanced down to see blood flowing from a stab wound just below his ribs. A knife was still in his side as the man let go of him, leaving Logan to fall to the floor.

He vaguely heard his client say "If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me" before all the sounds started to muffle and black dots danced across his vision.

A pool of red formed around the brunette boy as officers kicked down the door and tackled the other man to the ground. One officer rushed to Logan, placing a hand on the stab wound and pulling the knife out.

"Can you hear me? I'm Officer Carlos Garcia and you're going to be just fine."

Logan's only response was to cough up red specks of blood that flew on to the officer's shirt but Carlos didn't really mind. All he wanted was to save this boy who had screamed for help. He didn't know why the man had hurt this tiny, spiky brown-haired guy but he knew the boy had to live and the man had to pay. It was the right way of things, something Carlos strived for every day. He would deliver the assistance this boy needed.

"Someone get me a towel to apply to his wound! And radio emergency services," Carlos yelled, his voice rising in panic as the blood started to flow faster. What had started as a routine crackdown had turned into so much more.

Carlos reached down to take Logan's hand, squeezing it lightly, trying to help the boy in the only way he knew how.

"Just hang on ok. Help is coming. You will be safe soon," Carlos said reassuringly, albeit a bit shaky.

Logan barely heard him as he faded out even more. Officer Garcia's tan face and kind brown eyes faded from his vision as a beautiful, blonde-haired boy's face with sparkling green eyes filled his sight. He tried to reach up for Kendall but his limbs felt so heavy so Logan settled for just seeing his former boyfriend smile at him before the hallucination disappeared too. Carlos screamed in the background for the EMT's to hurry up but Logan could no longer hear him.

His eyelids drifted shut and all Logan could hear was Kendall's angelic voice sing their song to him. His last thought before the blackness took over was if only he could see Kendall one last time.

_**Should I continue and make this a three shot or leave it as is? If I do continue, what do you think should happen to Logan and what do you think happened to Kendall? **_

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: I know I have sort of been neglecting my other stories lately but I'll try and get Waiting On The Day I Feel Good updated next unless I decide to do a three shot for this story. Then this will be done first. I really want to get back into writing; I just have to find time in my crazy college life.**_

_**Side note, some girls in college can be just as petty and immature as some high school girls and they can gossip even more. Plus they can spread rumors like wildfire and turn your former friends against you. That is what is happening to me. I don't want you to pity me; I just needed somewhere to say this where I knew people would understand. And dealing with that is kind of depressing and while it can sometimes inspire me, it can also kill my passion for writing. I hope I can just push through it and live my own life. They will not get to me! **_

_**Third thing is I've been seeing a lot of Kogan challenges popping up very similar to Love and Peace Forever first one. I would love to participate in all of them but am very short on time so good luck to everyone who is doing them. I am doing this one because Love and Peace Forever has been such a great friend and I want to return the favour. Plus it's fun!**_

_**Final note and shameless promotion, follow me on Twitter if you are a tweet-a-holic like me. My username is AlexaC_N. **_

_**Keep On Rockin' In The Free World.**_

**_P.S. (Sept 20 2011) I realize the challenge ends tomorrow but this will be finished later on. Unfortunately I got sick and am behind in my university courses so that comes first. For right now, the first chapter is just my submission and I guess the next two chapters will be considered a sequel. I might even make it a sequel but I'll probably just tag it on to this story. I hope to get the second part up by this weekend. _**


	2. Part 2

**A/N: So I decided to make this more than a three-shot to tie up all the loose ends in the story and for the chapters to not be too long. It will probably be four to five chapters. I hope you still enjoy the story.**

**Also Love and Peace Forever's whole account got deleted so you can't see the original post about it but the contest was pretty cool, asking people to write a one-shot surrounding their favourite Disney song. Props to her for thinking it up.**

**Thanks to all my reviewers and all the people who read but maybe don't review and even the people who skim through my stories quickly. You all put a smile on my face.**

**11/01/2012-The story has been revised. I just saw that the doctor's name is changed and while I did fix that in my Word Document, it didn't save properly before I uploaded. I should have checked earlier but it's fixed now. Enjoy the story and thanks for the reviews! **

If only he had gotten there earlier, Officer Carlos Garcia thought as he sat curled up in the hospital chair facing the brunette boy who was lying still in the bed as pale as the white sheets below him. He had lost so much blood, much more than Carlos had seen in his short career as a policeman. Although not a doctor, when Carlos had seen the knife wound, he thought for sure there would a first-degree murder charge added to the crack head's arrest, along with prostitution and possession of drugs,

That man was thankfully locked away right now and there was no reason for Carlos to be thinking much about him. No what was weighing down on Carlos' mind was the person in the hospital bed next to his chair.

The kid, and really Carlos had to stop calling him that because the detectives had found out he was only a couple of years younger than Carlos, looked so close to death that it had Carlos wiping moisture from his eyes every few minutes. And that was only when he was thinking about what he had witnessed at the motel. As soon as his mind went to what the investigators had told him, well then it was a sob fest for Carlos.

The brunette was named Logan apparently, although it took a while to find that out, as he had not exchanged names with the man who had picked him up off the street. The interrogators had to question the criminal for many hours before he admitted to picking Logan up from a corner in downtown Los Angeles. After a few more hours of questioning bartenders around the area as well as threats to the man, they found out it was common knowledge the boy worked for Damien Smith.

Damien Smith. The name sent shivers down Carlos' spine. Every police officer in the area knew he was. He was a wanted criminal who ran drug and prostitution circles around the country. He had sexual assault and murder charges a mile long in his file.

The problem was he was so good at disappearing from the authorities in his early days and when he did become powerful, Damien was the king of bribes. But tonight his luck had run out. Carlos' superiors had waited at Logan's designated corner until someone came to check why he hadn't reported back. From there, the police had pounced, following the man back to a run down house where they had arrested many men and helped many prostitutes. One of the men they had taken to custody had turned out to be Damien.

Searching the wanted criminal's phone had yielded an insane amount of information for each prostitute, including which part of the country they were from. Damien's system was to kidnap a man or woman periodically from each state and then transport them to L.A. Carlos knew when police hunted for a missing person, they started with the city or town the person originally resided in. They then expanded the search to the rest of the state and perhaps neighboring ones. But by the time an alert had been expanded to the rest of the U.S., it was seen as a lost cause.

Logan was probably considered a lost cause. Carlos' boss, Sgt. Martin, had relayed all the information he could to Carlos because although he condoned getting too close to the people you help out, he could see how attached the Latino was to the rescued prostitute. Judging from his investigation, Sgt. Martin knew he and all the others who had been ensnared by Damien could use all the help they could get. Carlos with his kind heart could successfully assist Logan with a little help.

So Carlos kept vigil beside Logan's bedside. The doctors allowing him to stay because he was part of the investigation and because they were informed no one was coming to claim the patient at the present moment.

Carlos was thinking about everything he knew. He knew the boy's full name was Logan Henry Mitchell, he would be 20 years old in about three months, and he was from Duluth, Minnesota and had been captured by Damien two years ago.

Carlos' eyes were stinging as his mind went through everything he had learned, but he was stopped from crying even more as the door swung open with a loud bang as it hit the pale white wall.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" a light-browned hair man cried out as he rushed to where Carlos was sitting, enveloping him in a tight hug.

Carlos sniffed and wiped his tears away with one hand, using the other to hug his husband back.

"Nothing serious James. It just pains me so much to think of what Logan went through and now has to deal with."

James pulled back, placing his hands gently on Carlos' uniformed shoulders and looking into his mocha eyes with love and affection.

"I feel the same way Carlos. But you know what?"

Carlos shook his head.

"He may have been through so much misery but he has you now. You bring light into everyone's life. You help him through this, hunni, I know you will."

For the first time in 17 hours, Carlos' face broke out into a smile.

"Thank you so much. But you are the one really helping him. I mean, you donated blood to save his life," Carlos said, gesturing the white cotton ball taped on to James arm.

"Thank God I had the same blood type," James sighed sadly, glancing at the pale figure in the bed. "I overheard his doctor saying Logan wouldn't have made it through the night without blood."

With that, Carlos brought James down for a deep, passionate kiss, hoping it would be enough to express his gratitude for James reaching out to a complete stranger right after Carlos called him sobbing on the phone. James smiled and pulled away only when he needed to breathe.

"Don't forget Carlos, you are the one who helped him back at that motel. So let's just say we had an equal part in saving Logan's life,"

"Ok," Carlos smiled, but it quickly faded. "Let's hope it stays saved. He doesn't look too great. I just wish he would wake up."

"He will, Carlos. Logan will wake up."

* * *

><p>A soft crinkling noise made Carlos awake suddenly and when he glanced around the room that glowed in the moonlight, he found its source. Logan was shifting around, frowning and whimpering, his eyes fluttering. Getting up quietly so he didn't wake James who was curled up in the chair beside him, Carlos rushed to the bed, pushing the call button above Logan's head.<p>

He then took his hand and shook the thin shoulder gently.

"Hey, Logan, it's ok. Wake up, please wake up," Carlos hated to see anyone this distressed.

Carlos was suddenly met with huge doe eyes staring up in fright. He quickly retracted his hands, not wanting to scare the confused man.

"W-What's going on?" Logan whispered quietly, his voice thick with unshed tears. He vaguely recognized this police officer that was standing above him but couldn't put a name to the face.

Before Carlos could get a single word out, a doctor and a nurse appeared in the doorway and walked swiftly to the bed.

"Hello Mr. Mitchell. My name is Dr. Stevens. I realize you probably have a lot of questions right now but I'm just going to have Nurse Edith check your vitals and replace your blood as I explain your injuries."

Carlos watched Logan gulp and nod slowly, shaking a bit. Without hesitation, he reached out and squeezed Logan's hand, trying to offer some comfort even though he felt terribly out of his element. Before he could start shaking himself, he felt a hand on his back. Turning slightly, Carlos smiled at James who was standing behind him, offering a smile to Logan. Logan continued to quake, but only slightly so as the nurse replaced the line giving James' blood to Logan.

"Alright, Mr. Mitchell. As you probably remember, you were stabbed right below your ribs. The force of your stab actually punctured and collapsed a lung, which caused you to internally bleed and start coughing up copies amounts of blood. You also lost a lot of blood externally as well. We managed to repair the lung and sew up the wound in surgery, so you will heal but…"

"But what?" Carlos blurted out. Couldn't the doctor have just mentioned the bad stuff first? James quickly hushed Carlos and motioned for the doctor to continue.

"But it will just take a little while. You are extremely malnourished, Mr. Mitchell and your immune system is compromised as a result. Also you may notice the cast on your entire left arm."

Logan glanced down, noticing for the first time a white cast decorated with smiley faces, the name Carlos, and a curly signature that resembled a J and a D. His lip curled up slightly at the sight.

"Ya, I couldn't make a proper splint for that arm. I used most of the materials I could scrounge from the trash on my legs and other arm." Logan commented quietly, blushing as James and Carlos stared bewildered at him.

"Well you did a good job with your other limbs," Dr. Stevens complimented. "We just had to rebreak and set that arm with pins. With proper care, it will heal as well."

"Now I want to keep you here for a few days, as you need to be administered more blood and I would like to monitor your wound closely for infection. I also would like for you to meet with a nutritionist and a therapist to discuss your situation. In the meantime, I have given you pain medication to deal with your wounds and your bruises"

Logan gave a slight nod in agreement before a questionable look came over his features.

"Where will I be released to?" he asked, his breath quickening in panic.

Dr. Stevens shared a look with Carlos before turning back to Logan.

"Deep breaths. Officer Garcia will explain everything else to you. O and the other guy is James Diamond. He donated the blood you are receiving right now. You have a very generous match."

James turned a deep crimson, but grinned anyway.

"Thanks Doc. I thought everything was supposed to be anonymous."

Dr. Stevens chuckled. "Just thought he would want to say thanks to the guy who claimed he needed four juice boxes and five cookies after."

Everyone else laughed, even Logan who left out a soft chuckle. Dr. Stevens then exited the room, not before giving Carlos and James a look that said, "Take care of him. He needs it." Both boys knew this was true.

* * *

><p>"Ok, so I'm not going to jail?" Logan asked Carlos yet again. He had since settled somewhat comfortably into his bed while James and Carlos had reclaimed their chairs. James had come in slightly later, going to the cafeteria to allow Carlos to get the formal questions about Damien and the investigation out of the way. Sgt. Martin had only allowed James to stay and support Carlos if he wasn't around for the official stuff.<p>

Carlos smiled sympathetically. "No Logan, you are not going to jail. "

"But what I was doing was illegal."

"Yes, for the guy forcing you into it. We know you weren't there by choice, Logan. The police officers found evidence of that," Carlos explained, wishing more than anything he could wipe away the scared and hurt expression adorning Logan. He also wished Logan wasn't so quiet when he spoke, but he knew that Logan was probably terrified of saying the wrong thing and getting beaten. This was classic in abuse victims and Carlos would have to pace everything. He moved his chair slightly closer to Logan to take his hand again, not missing the flinch the guy exhibited but he ignored it for the time being. Logan really needed a human to be nice to him for a change and he wasn't pulling his hand away so Carlos knew he must have appreciated it.

"Ok," Logan accepted that. "Then what's going to happen to me after I get out of the hospital?" He was so terrified of where he was going to end up.

"Well that's actually the second thing I was going to ask," Carlos said. "Do you want us to try and get in touch with family and friends?"

As soon as he finished, he saw Logan starting to inaudibly cry since the first time he had woken up. Carlos wanted so desperately to pull Logan in for a hug but did not want to upset him even more. He settled for just waiting for Logan to tell him whom to contact.

"No,"

"Excuse me?" Carlos asked, thinking he had heard wrong. He looked at James who looked just as shocked as Carlos felt.

"No," Logan said again in a pained voice, knowing the officer would probably want some sort of explanation. "I lived with my aunt and uncle before this because my parents died in a house fire when I was 11. They always said it would have been easier for them if they didn't have to raise me. I'm sure they were happy when they found out I was taken."

James gripped his armrest tight as anger flowed through him.

"What about any friends?" James was going to ask about a boyfriend since his gaydar was tingling but Carlos would probably reprimand him for being unprofessional. His husband had to cash in a bunch of favours to allow James to be here because even James' status as an award-winning movie star did not grant him special access in this delicate situation.

"No," Logan answered again, but as he stared at James, his eyes glazed over slightly as if remembering someone. James noticed this but decided not to pry in the personal matter.

"That's ok," Carlos said to diffuse the awkward situation. "You could come stay with us if you wanted to. At least until you get back on your feet. Or even later than that.

James eyes widened at his husband's words. And he thought he was the impulsive one in their marriage. But before he could drag Carlos into the hallway to really discuss the decision, about how neither of them knew how to take care of pets, much less an abused victim, he saw a hopeful light dance through Logan's brown eyes before it quickly faded back into sorrow. That and Carlos' puppy dog eyes pushed James to agree.

"Ya, we have a huge mansion. There's tons of room. You would have privacy."

Logan leaned back into the pillows deep in thought, his muscles relaxing a teensy bit.

"Ok I will. Thank you for being so nice, thank you for offering your place, thank you for donating your blood James and thanks for rescuing me Carlos. Just thanks for everything. I know it's going to take a while for me to figure everything out and I don't know why you're doing this, but thanks for showing me love " Logan said, finally collapsing into the tears of joy he had been holding in for so long. This was all he could ask for right now, his saviors sticking by him as he tried to recover.

It didn't take long for Carlos and James to start bawling as well while saying Logan deserved all the kindness he could get and the three grouped together in a hug.

* * *

><p>"Alright, Mr. Mitchell. You're recovery is going smoothly and I have signed the release papers, so you should be good to go. I bet you can't wait to get out of here after a week." Dr. Stevens said, watching as his young patient stuffed some sweatpants and T-shirts Carlos had given him into a loaned duffel bag filled to the brim with clothes. He finished quickly to look up at his doctor, nodding slightly.<p>

Dr. Stevens sighed. "Now there's just one other thing I'd like to talk to you about. We ran a test on you for sexually transmitted diseases…"

Logan looked up at the doctor fearfully but Dr. Martin just smiled.

"It turns out you are clean,"

Logan let out a breath. "I forced the clients to use condoms. It…it got me in trouble quite a bit but I didn't want something that would stick around forever, just in case I ever did manage to escape."

The doctor smiled in admiration.

"You did a great job. Now Officer Garcia told me your staying with him and his husband so I told them this already, but I want you to get lots of rest these next couple of months. Your body is still very weak but it will get better. I'm glad to see you have a support system behind you. Sometimes that doesn't happen."

Logan nodded in agreement. "Ya, they're great." He then stood up from the bed and made his way to the wheelchair near the door. Dr. Stevens smiled at his patient who obviously knew hospital regulations.

Logan turned back to the doctor. "I know what you're going to say next and don't worry. I will come back to get my cast off, to see my nutritionist, my physical therapist and my personal psychiatrist. If not, you know where to find me."

Dr. Stevens chuckled and extended his hand which Logan shook timidly, still a little wary of approaching anyone. "That I do. Take care."

He exited just as Carlos walked in to take Logan out to the car. While Logan shuddered as Carlos bounded up to him excitedly, he couldn't help but smile at the man who had made room for his damaged self in his life.

"Ready to go?" Carlos asked, situating himself behind Logan's wheelchair.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Logan replied, shivering a bit at the cool hospital air coming from the hallway. Carlos rolled his eyes and tossed Logan a Minnesota Wild sweatshirt from the bottom duffel bag on the handlebar, not noticing the way Logan's breath hitched or how what little colour he had suddenly drained.

"Ya, James and I are both from St. Paul, Minnesota, the same state as you. We both are huge hockey fans, hence the sweater! It was my only clean one." Carlos said, as he navigated down the hallway. "You'll have to watch some games with us on our flat screen."

That was the last thing Logan wanted to do because it would just bring unwanted memories of his past lover who dreamed to play on that team. Those thoughts scared him more than anything so he pushed them back along with his tears and allowed Carlos to steer him to the cop car.

"Alright, let's go home."

Home actually turned out to be forty minutes away to a private mansion overlooking a beautiful beach. Logan's eyes bulged at the site of the sun glistening over the water. He had never seen a place so enchanting.

"You live here?"

Carlos grinned. "Yep, one of the perks of being married to a rich Hollywood dream boat."

Logan managed a small smile back. "I bet,"

They soon exited the car, Logan leaning a little on Carlos for support as he stared up at the three stories with numerous balconies before they arrived in the foyer where James was standing to greet them. Logan kept his eyes down as the couple exchanged a heated kiss as a welcome before Carlos started talking to him, his hand still intertwined with James.

"We are so excited to have you Logan. Now James is kind of a perfectionist and he wanted to make this new friendship amazing. I do too."

"Ya," James echoed. "I know you're nervous and scared, and truth be told I may act all confident, but underneath, I'm a lot like you as well. Hell I'm always a nervous wreck in different situations. You should have seen me try to ask Carlos out. So this is very new but we will do our best to help you."

Logan half-smiled, trying to ignore the memory of another boy who acted confident and tough but had a softer side as well.

"We're not going to be good at this overnight, it's going to take a while but if you make room and trust us, we promise to do the same," Carlos finished. "Now c'mon."

He grabbed Logan's arm with his other hand and lead his husband and new best friend down the hall and up the large wooden staircase to the first room on the left.

Logan approached the bright blue door closely, smiling slightly at the colour that just seemed so Carlos, and pushed it open.

"O my God." Logan practically squealed. Inside was huge double bed, bathed in the golden light of the afternoon by a large picture window. There was a huge oak desk on the other side, comfy chairs, a huge dresser, a walk in closet and attached bathroom. He smiled in excitement and approached the desk to run his hands over the books, grinning impossibly wider as he noticed the titles. There was biology, chemistry, physics, math and astronomy.

He turned around to give his new friends his first real crooked smile.

"How did you know I liked all these subjects?"

"Carlos peeked at the magazines you got the nurse to bring you in your hospital room because you were too scared to ask us for anything," James mocked teasingly. "However, what I bought is totally better."

He gestured toward the closet and Loan quickly went inside while the other two followed. Inside there were very stylish clothes in every colour imaginable. While Logan would probably stay away from a couple of the more flamboyant pieces, he was excited to finally have new things, things he could call his own. He was so grateful, he turned around and gave each man a hug, not caring how girly the action seemed. It had been a long time since he had known this type of kindness.

"Good surprise?" Carlos asked thickly, wiping away his tears.

"Great surprise." Logan sighed happily.

"There's more," James practically shouted. "Take a look at the posters."

Logan glanced around the yellow walls, happily laughing at the posters of James intertwined with Einstein and the periodic table of elements. There were a few other bands as well.

"Who is Big Time Rush?" Logan asked.

James grinned. "They actually sang the song Carlos and I had playing the first time we…."

Carlos slapped James in the chest, noticing Logan's apprehensive face. He sort of noticed whenever James and him engaged in any over-the-top couple dialogue. It wasn't a look of disgust like most people exhibited; it was a look of longing, but not for his two new friends. It was almost like nostalgia, like when Carlos would think about his dead dog Sparky. He knew he got the same look whenever he went to the dog park. He would have to ask Logan about it later.

"So you like?" Carlos asked to shake himself out of his thoughts.

"I love," Logan replied, suppressing a yawn. The two noticed though.

"You need to sleep," James stated, pointing at the bed. "There's pajamas in the dresser. Carlos is off to an evening shift but holler at me if you need anything. I'll be downstairs reading a script. "

Logan nodded his head, yawning once more before he found himself pulled into another hug by Carlos that he gladly accepted.

"This is going to be great ok."

* * *

><p>James awoke to whimpering noise coming down the hall. Opening his eyes sleepily, he rose confused from his bed to make his way down the hall. It was too early for Carlos to be home so the source of the noise could only be from one person.<p>

His mind slightly clearer as he woke up a bit more, James hurried to Logan's room, throwing open the door to find the dark-haired boy thrashing around in his bed quietly sobbing as he clutched a pillow with one hand, his fist clenched around an object in his other hand. James' heart broke at the sight. He rushed the shake Logan's shoulder gently, wishing he had stayed at the hospital all of last week. Did Logan deal with this every night?

Logan gasped softly, his eyes shooting open. He immediately curled up into a ball in the middle of the bed, whimpering, "No more, please no more."

"Sshh," James murmured, feeling out of his element. "No one's going to hurt you. You're safe here."

Logan slowly unraveled himself to glance up at James before letting out another soft whimper as tears fell down his cheeks. James immediately sat down by Logan's feet, not wanting to scare the younger man but wanting to offer some comfort. He watched with confused eyes as Logan unclenched his fist in his good arm and a picture of a blonde guy fell on the pillow. Logan quickly grabbed the worn out photograph, stuffing it under his pillow as he avoided James' eyes.

"Who was that?" James asked, completely curious.

"No one," Logan whispered softly.

"But Logan…" James started before Logan shook his head a little forcefully.

"I can't tell you right now James," Logan spit out tearfully. "Maybe one day but not right now."

"Ok." James said, resigning himself to the statement. He knew Logan had to talk about his past sometime, but he guessed not everyone was as open with his or her feelings as the actor was, especially at one in the morning. "Do you want to talk about the nightmare?"

Again Logan gestured no, emitting a sigh for James. Hopefully Logan could talk this out with his therapist on his weekly sessions because James could barely control himself to demand Logan to open up. Sometimes being a movie star made him too passionate.

For right now, James would just focus on getting Logan into a dreamless state. Maybe he could make him laugh.

"I'm surprised you haven't taken down all the posters of me."

Logan grinned softly. "Not after you reprimanded me for not knowing who you were. I need the reminder in case you quiz me."

"Well how could you not have heard about all this?" James made some wavy fingers in front of his face.

Logan's face fell a little. "I didn't really get a chance to see movies when…."

"That's ok," James states quickly, inwardly slapping himself. "We will watch some in the private theatre tomorrow. Now try and get some sleep."

Getting up and pulling the covers closer to Logan, James looked down, relaxing as he saw Logan start to drift off. It would take time for the nightmares to go away, but James would be there to help.

And possibly get Logan to admit who the blonde in the picture was.

* * *

><p>Carlos sat on the barstool happily watching Logan devour a double-decker sandwich in one sitting. It was the most Carlos had seen Logan eat after a therapy appointment; in fact it was the most Carlos had seen Logan eat all month.<p>

The combination of two forms of therapy along with Carlos and James' friendship had done wonders for Logan. He had gained a bit of weight back (although Carlos still thought he was unbelievably skinny), his nightmares had started to not appear every night, and he had finally stopped flinching when Carlos or James got near him.

But there was still work to be done. For one thing, Logan was unbelievably quiet. He always spoke infrequently matter how much Carlos or James tried to engage him in conversation. Even Carlos talking about corndogs didn't work. Usually that got people to tell Carlos to at least shut up.

It was like Logan was terrified he would say the wrong thing and James and Carlos would punish him for his slip up. Carlos knew he couldn't help it, that Logan had dealt with so much that apprehension was basically programmed into him. He just wished he could find a way for Logan to not flinch when Carlos put a hand on his shoulder.

Logan had finished while Carlos was lost in his thoughts and he quickly slid off the stool, put his plate in the dishwasher and went quickly across the enormous kitchen to the back door for one of his quiet walks along the beach in the backyard. Just as he was sliding his new Vans on, a voice interrupted his path to his daily thinking time.

"Hey Logan?" Carlos started hesitantly.

"Ya" Logan answered, raising an eyebrow.

"Would…would it be ok if a couple of our friends came over for dinner?" Carlos drew out in one breath, thinking he already knew the answer.

Logan immediately stopped gazing out the window at his place of solitude to look at his new friend of worried eyes. A part of him wanted to say no because he was still so afraid of everyone. Even when he just went to the hospital for his appointments, he felt like someone was going to grab him at any minute. That was why Logan loved the beach behind the house so much, because it was private and Logan could wander freely with no threats. Logan's therapist said that it was a normal reaction for someone who had been kidnapped because a part of his trust toward other people was gone. She said he would feel better over time once he surrounded himself with people who cared for him. Logan agreed but considering how long it was taking him to warm up to his rescuers, he knew that it could take months or years. He didn't want James and Carlos' friends to regard him strangely if he happened to have a flashback if they shook hands or they sat too close to him.

The other side of Logan was pushing him to quit acting so apprehensive. He couldn't learn to trust people again if he was never around them and besides, he owed Carlos and James for doing so much. The two never complained but Logan still knew this was an adjustment for them so without much more thought he answered Carlos.

"Ok,"

Carlos frowned at the soft answer.

"Are you sure?"

Logan nodded. "Yes. I mean, as long as it's only a couple of people right? It will be good for me to meet new people and I'm sure they will be nice, especially if they are your friends."

Carlos nodded. "Ok! I'll tell James."

The brunette managed a small smile back before he padded out to the back deck and descended down to the beach. Carlos watched him happily before a voice made him jump.

"He agreed?"

Carlos swiveled his stool until he was face to face with the hazel eyes he fell in love with when he was six years old and had offered the last swing to his love.

"Yes. James do you think your plan will work?"

James nodded at Carlos with a smirk.

"You bet it will."

* * *

><p>The doorbell rang right at seven p.m. James immediately pulled open the wooden door to reveal none other than pop sensation Dak Zevon dressed like a rock star in black leather jacket and his boyfriend Jett with the collar of his white dress shirt of popped up. James grinned. The two boys were his best friends, ever since he came to Hollywood and had let everyone know immediately he was gay and had a boyfriend. A few of his original friends had shunned him but these two had approached him at an awards party, knowing how hard it could be to be you in Los Angeles. James had immediately liked Dak's laid back nature and although Jett did care a bit too much about himself, he found he really did have a heart of gold as Dak always said. Luckily Carlos thought the same thing and the four met up a few times each month if they weren't too busy. They all joked about who could be the best dressed, a title James thought Carlos and himself could win tonight with their matching suede coats.<p>

"Come in." James motioned, steeping aside to let the couple roam in and put their jackets in the closet. Both Dak and Jett set off toward the kitchen, having been over enough to know that's where Carlos would be. The food lover Jett took the lead, grabbing a laughing Dak's hand in excitement as he thought about the delicious dessert Carlos had probably made.

The lovers stopped once they saw an unfamiliar face standing beside Carlos, glancing down at his shoes in nervousness.

"Who's this?" Jett asked in his blunt manner, curious as to who this guy was.

Dak slapped his boyfriend's arm playfully.

"What my rude boyfriend means is it nice to meet you. How do you know Carlos and James?"

Looking up at Dak's kind voice, Logan tried to think of an appropriate response. It was tough to explain a past he was so ashamed of and he wasn't sure if the two boys would approve of dining with an ex-prostitute. Luckily Jett stopped his dilemma immediately.

"Rude? I prefer to think of myself as to the point," Jett said, straightening up and allowing his ego to inflate a bit.

Snorting Dak turned to his boyfriend. "I'm sure."

Jett opened his mouth to protest but before he could get in a word in edgewise, Dak grabbed his face and pulled him into an intense a kiss.

Rolling his eyes, Carlos turned to check on his stir-fry, used to his friends intense PDA. James outright laughed at the two before grabbing a piece of chicken from the pan. Carlos swatted at him playfully.

"Hey!"

The four were so wrapped up in their respective partners that they didn't notice Logan let out a faint whimper and his eyes cloud with tears as he watched the displays around him. A yearning for Kendall arose in his chest, so strong that he couldn't stand it. He had to get out of here. With that thought in mind, he immediately fled toward the back door and took off toward the beach.

Everyone immediately ceased their actions as they all watched in surprise as Logan left suddenly. Shaking himself out of his shock, Carlos turned toward James, eyes narrowed in anger.

"I told you this might be too much for Logan, but o no, you were so sure this would break him out of his shell! What if all the progress he made is erased? You need to think about your plans more James!"

Carlos flew into the living room where his police helmet was resting on the table. He placed it on his head, tapped it twice, then started toward the door.

"I'm going to find him before he gets to far." The police officer then took off into the night.

James clenched his jaw in anger before rushing after his husband. He needed to prove that this had been the right thing to do so he left Jett and Dak to stand bewildered in the house.

* * *

><p>It only took James a couple of minutes to locate Carlos and Logan. Logan was sitting in the sand dune near the edge of the dark waves, turned away from Carlos who had a hand on his friend's shoulder. Logan was talking and James could also make out a steady stream of tears in the dusk making paths down his pale face. The pretty boy strained to listen as he approached the pair.<p>

"Why did you invite them Carlos?"

Sighing, Carlos started to explain but Logan cut him off before he could speak. But Carlos let him go because even with Logan visibly upset, he was opening up more than he ever had since he had been found.

"No. You've talked to my therapist, you know what I can handle, yet you still went ahead and did this. But you know what, it's fine. I said yes because I don't want me staying here to stop anything in your old life so you can go up and enjoy your evening and I will just stay here and think about the love that I will never have because I'm going to be like this forever."

"Ok, that is it, I can not take this for one second longer," James stated, reaching down to pull the two up to face him.

"What are you doing James? Logan was talking!" Carlos spit out.

James ignored his husband for the moment and turned toward the crying boy.

"Logan, I invited Dak and Jett over and I convinced Carlos it was a good idea."

"Why?" Logan glared, upset at James' plan that had made him so shaken up.

"Because I wanted you to see two other people in love so you could see that it's possible to have that because obviously Carlos and I aren't able to convince you of that." James said. "I see the way you glance at that picture when you think I'm not looking. Carlos sees it too and we can't stand the thought of you thinking that this thing you went through, what some idiot did to you, has to stop you from being happy!"

"Of course it's going to stop me," Logan yelled back. "Don't you dare tell me it can't!"

"Well I don't think so," James crossed his arms defiantly as Carlos bit his lip nervously as he watched the exchange.

"No James. You don't get it! When so many people tell you that you are a whore, that you are garbage, you start to believe it ok. That blonde boy, that's Kendall. We grew up together. We were in love, had been since we were kids, but I'm not that person anymore. Do you think he's really going to want to be with someone who spent almost two years as a prostitute? I was even saving myself for our wedding night because we both wanted it be special. But that oppourtunity is gone. Kendall will turn me away if I find him!"

Logan was full on sobbing now, as were Carlos and James as they heard for the first time about the one person Logan cared to deeply about and didn't feel worthy enough for.

"So you know what, screw you two. Screw you two for being so in love, for getting married, and having life work out just the way you want. You can try but you will never know how much getting kidnapped is eating me up inside or how hard everything is and will be in the future." Logan's words were starting to become hard to decipher through his tears. "The person I've been in love with since I was three doesn't even know I'm alive and I don't think he will want me back. Neither of you understand…"

"Will you just stop it!" James screamed, cutting Logan off and wrapping an arm around Carlos in the process, suddenly afraid of letting his lover go. He knew from the way Carlos leaned into him that he was having those same fears. "Ok we don't care what you've been through Logan. We've gotten to know you. You are a good person and you deserve to be happy! I don't care what you think about yourself, we believe in you."

"And we want you to be happy and love more than anything!" Carlos pleaded to Logan in a strong voice, getting closer toward James as if the muscled body could give him strength. "But you just got to start believing in yourself and Kendall and let us help you find him."

Logan sniffed. "He…he could be dead."

Putting an arm on Logan's hunched over body and smiling as James did the same thing, Carlos let out a long sigh.

"I think that's a risk we have to take in order to get answers."

Logan breathed heavily.

"You guys will be there for me every step of the way?"

The two nodded in unison making Logan grin softly.

"Ok let's search for him."

Carlos squealed in excitement and ran forward to engulf Logan in a bear hug as James gave a watery grin at the two before joining in. Maybe his plan hadn't been well executed but he felt like this was a big step for Logan. The road may be tough but he knew for love and absolution, it was worth it. The future was looking brighter.


End file.
